OK. We've officially heard the news. Mikey is medically able to come home, IF and ONLY IF we have nurses ready to go.
We don't.
After two rounds of solicitations by our service coordinator, SKIP of NY, to all the nursing agencies in Erie county, they've heard nothing in response. Not even a "Can you tell us more about this little boy and his family?" Nothing.
Medicaid has been applied for and we're waiting for decisions on the Care at Home Waiver being approved. This is the special clause in Medicaid (In NYS, anyway) that allows those who don't qualify for Medicaid outright to be able to get assistance paying In-home nursing. (I think if you make more than $100/week you don't qualify for this, either)
So, while we wait for nursing, Mikey lays in a blue metal crib in a room with 5 other babies of varying illness, germs, and the like. He lays there with his mist collar on, looking at his mobile waiting for someone to take him home.
We had hoped for Mother's day. Neither one of us think that's possible. We're trying to be hopeful for Father's day. And he'd better be home before my birthday in late July.
What hurts me the most is the pain I see hidden behind my wife's eyes. What hurts is that when she was laying on that bed dying in front of me and I told her she had to fight and fight hard, I told her I would bring her home to her baby. I told her if she could fight, I'd never leave her side and I would be there to bring her back to her family. She did everything I could have ever asked for, and I have let her down by not being able to bring her son home to her.
I know many of you reading this are going to post comments or call me within minutes of reading this and tell me I didn't fail. I know that I've done what I could have done - but it won't make the hurt go away that I can't bring him home and put him in his Mommy's arms.
We need nurses. If you know a nurse, call them. Tell them. Give them the link to this blog. Ask if they know anyone. Please.
Mikey needs to feel the sunshine on his face for the first time.
He needs to feel the wind blow warmly over him, while he listens to his sisters play in the yard.
He needs the dogs to kiss him.
Mikey needs to feel his sisters' embraces.
He needs to take naps laying on my chest with the Yankees playing on the tv on a Saturday afternoon.
